Risk apparent lunacy,wear a smile when you walk to town

OK,this is the blog Ive carried in my head for a couple of years now,originally named,The Red Tent,after the biblical time novel about nomadic woman who spend there time together during their periods in a big red tent.No boys allowed. So,it's a blog for complaints.
Everytime I go,"coo-coo", I always want to decifer,why? partly in apoligy to whoever,partly to make sence of my misery or outburst of toxic nasty spew. On this trip we're on,which I guess i should eplain,it's not just full moon or hormones,or a specific incident,I have found it's just me,reacting.So am I saying so far that this blog is for my own personal growth!? Therefore is it just a narssisstic exersize to blog about it. Hey,I know enough to note that Im not the only one to use a blog this way. My response is this, I have a blog about this trip and I want to keep it a focused story or series of short narratives about where we are and what is our current excitement/drama.
I fel the need to express more.The struggle. It's about the struggle.We are on a catamaran,2 teenagers , e-school attempts,chores,constant togetherness,fluid change and a daily attempt to keep a semblance of order.We need to get things done.It's like a new society;government,infrastructures school,culinary department,cleaning department,navigation,diesel engines,Internet wifi,phone cards,who does what!?
This is the thing;it's my dear husband,Davids dream.He wants this.He made it happen.The kids like the concept ,it was on every grade3 bucket list,I found them when I was moving out of our home.They like the sailing but they fight daily about the jobs.We are all ADD,academically challenged. It IS my room 101 to have anything to do with helping my children ,to do any kind of scholastic work. it just does not work. It is truly like trying to mix oil and water.
I need these pages to express the feelings ,some physical,all very painful as my buttons a pushed every hour everyday.
I signed up for this,I believe in this in the metaphysical big picture of lifes journey.To surrender to something that is not your dream, is an opportunity.The STRUGGLE is the medium in which to really push growth,it's so painful that I have pictured my own death in more than one desperate day dream .The agony I can feel in my gut,my chest,my temples.
So,that's what this is